My New Year's Resolution was to work on myself. What have I done thus far?

Gym 3 days in a row
Initial psych eval yesterday
Next appt scheduled
Begin meds in 2 weeks

I really need a hobby once the wedding is over. The gym isn't a hobby, it's a chore that is required to keep me from hating myself. Knitting is something I would like to pick up again. Photography is the other thing. I want a digital camera, and not a point-and-click. I want to be able to play around like I did in photography class. Some of my favorite memories of this last spring were wandering around at Deepwood with Erin, learning how to take a decent picture. I'd also like to get down to see Mari on a monthly basis, and hopefully get in a ride at the barn.

I have my review in an hour. Joy. He said to not get nervous, it's positive. I have no idea what to expect, as rumors have been whirling around here like crazy. So we'll see.

I got to the gym yesterday, 2nd day in a row, and worked my ass off. I feel all little and skinny today. cuz you know, miracles happen overnight.... ;)

it's kinda snowing outside. coming down in more fitful stops and starts than anything. with some effort, we could have a beautiful day. i have my psych appt this morning at 9. Have to be there early, so I'm leaving work at 830. It'll probably be close to 1030 by the time I'm back to work. 
after work, I'll only have little over 30 minutes at the gym before racing off to my physical therapy appt. I'm so sick of those. she schedules them at 530. getting off work at 4, i have an hour to kill. not enough time to go home and do anything, not enough time to run errands, too much time to just head over to the clinic. and then i don't get home until 630. all for a woman to show me new exercises with elastic bands. she's really nice, but it feels...... pointless. i really do have better things to do with those 2 1/2 hours after work. i think i'm coming toward the end of them....... crossing fingers......

i still haven't started my thank you cards. i'm awful!!!! this weekend is wedding wedding wedding. gonna knock a bunch more out. like ceremony, tuxedos............ i'm sure there's more. 

maybe the skies will dump feet of snow and we can all go home.

I want to work with plants. I’d love to take a grunt job at a nursery, but we can’t afford the pay I’d receive. I’d also love to take some horticulture and landscape design classes, open my own landscape design business, but Chet says we won’t be in a financial position to do that for a very long time. Sigh. How did I end up stuck in a career I hate, straight out of college? And why am I being told it’s too late now to change my mind? 

Daily Life Affirmation:
I have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in each night. 

Daily Job Affirmation:
After yesterday, it doesn't deserve one. 
(this probably defeats the purpose)

so the only heat we have in the facility is from the ceramic heaters brought in. it's 80 degrees at my desk, 62 degrees 4 feet away from it. and the sewer in our building is clogged. this means we have two restrooms for 80-some people. we can't use water in our lab because of the sewer problem, and we can't use solvents because of the heaters not being explosion-proof. so people are limited to computer work. some people are playing cards in the break room. as if this isn't lovely enough, they're testing all fire alarms. yeesh. what a morning. and it's only 9:30.

amy told me last night that she's sick. she had a fever and sore throat. Poor Ames!!!
i woke up this morning with fever, chills, sore throat, ear ache. Now, in recent years, I've always blamed Amy. After all, she's the one who works on naked people, and she was sniffly and sick more frequently than I was. But she's not living with me. I don't think I can blame her for illness via tm..... darn.

ok, i admit it, i'm seriously depressed. for a multitude of reasons. 
anyhoo... the most immediate: Chet asked me last night what makes me happiest. This morning in the shower, the answer suddenly came to me -- working in the yard. I like yard work and gardening. I feel so productive, no matter what task it is, and I feel incredibly centered and grounded. All seems right in my world when I'm working in the yard. Only problem is, I'm really not that good at it. 
Talking with Chet in the car this morning, we decided to look for evening and online horticulture classes, weekend horticulture workshops through the community college so I can grow in the area that makes me happiest. 
The rest of the issues can wait til next week. It's almost Christmas, after all.

I need something rewarding, fulfilling, something that makes a difference, be it people or plant related. Paint is not it. I don't want to wake up depressed every morning, feeling like I waste 8 hours of my life 5 days a week. Time to begin looking, and really thinking about this.